I’m on the countdown to the first blood test to see if the cancer was all removed and had not decided to take a little wander to other locales.  Unfortunately as the days countdown the tension mounts up, I realised this morning coming to work that I’m terrified that it will be a bad result and I’ll have to have chemo-therapy.  Currently I cannot even confirm a ski-ing holiday in two weeks time.  I’m really starting to resent life having to be put on hold like this.  Okay some would say just book it, do it, don’t let it rule your life.  I’ll take a wild guess and say those would people who haven’t had cancer.  

Its not the cost of possibly having to cancel, its letting people down who are also going on the trip.  Anyway one component of my life that has resumed in full force.  Meetings so gotta go.

After a wonderful holiday with my family in some not so seasonal weather I am back in the massive smoke and on my way back to work after a month away. I wonder if they still need me?

The one thing that rarely happens in japan has happened. My train is running late. Really late it is going to be a dash at the airport. And part of my dash got surgically removed.

Wow, talk about drained! I had a fairly good nights sleep but feel that I’ve been hit by a 10 tonne truck. Sure that is me recovering from the stress of it all. Packed all my luggage for NZ last night and its gone to the airport so all that is left to do is tidy up the apartment (and me), then present to the airport Thursday morning.

Well its almost Tuesday and time for the final diagnosis of what exactly the tumor was. I mean right at the moment I don’t even know if I do have cancer of not, hence the C? terminology. Everything is healing well from the surgury and I’ve been out and about the last couple of days doing the important things in life like sinking a couple of SegaFredo cafe latte’s and buying presents for my nephew.

The expedition out to Daiba today left me fairly exhausted by the time I got home and its going to be an early night for me! Its not really pain, but certainly uncomfortable after a couple of hours being active.

This whole C? has become a period of dates and depends. Everything prior to the next date in the little treatment calendar is waiting and wondering and until that date everything after depends. Its incredibly frustrating and at times upsetting, no amount of mind discipline can stop you going of into the realm of wild speculation, its possible to acknowledge it and try and move on, but as the ‘date’ draws closer this is easier said than done.

I’ve got the pit of the stomach feeling that I had last Sunday before going into surgury on Monday and while I know that I’ve already done one of the biggest steps its doesn’t make the next steps any easier. I’m wanting to tell myself that its benigh, but the chances of a tumor there being benigh are really low, and blah blah blah all the other questions with no known answers.

I need to keep in mind the bad case scenario (not using worst case here), as that way the news will not be total shock! Anyway time for bed and we’ll deal with it all tommorow.

Hey, its all over, well stage one anyway. Was discharged midday today and sent home! Less 180,000 YEN and one nut! Oh well! Feeling really good at the moment, walking is getting better and better, but marathons are currently not being considered.

Its now just take it easy and recover, which is progressing really really well. Then Tuesday its back for the stiches out and find out the next steps.

Again to all the people who have been to visit me both physically and virtually, thank you so much for your support and kind words you have no idea how much its meant to me over the last 5 days.
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Well the first hard night is now over. A good run of pain relief and asleeping something and off to the land of nod. but having to sleep on my back, not so easy

Up and about now still have drips but they go by the end of the day