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The C? Waiting Game. Dec 18

Well its almost Tuesday and time for the final diagnosis of what exactly the tumor was. I mean right at the moment I don’t even know if I do have cancer of not, hence the C? terminology. Everything is healing well from the surgury and I’ve been out and about the last couple of days doing the important things in life like sinking a couple of SegaFredo cafe latte’s and buying presents for my nephew.

The expedition out to Daiba today left me fairly exhausted by the time I got home and its going to be an early night for me! Its not really pain, but certainly uncomfortable after a couple of hours being active.

This whole C? has become a period of dates and depends. Everything prior to the next date in the little treatment calendar is waiting and wondering and until that date everything after depends. Its incredibly frustrating and at times upsetting, no amount of mind discipline can stop you going of into the realm of wild speculation, its possible to acknowledge it and try and move on, but as the ‘date’ draws closer this is easier said than done.

I’ve got the pit of the stomach feeling that I had last Sunday before going into surgury on Monday and while I know that I’ve already done one of the biggest steps its doesn’t make the next steps any easier. I’m wanting to tell myself that its benigh, but the chances of a tumor there being benigh are really low, and blah blah blah all the other questions with no known answers.

I need to keep in mind the bad case scenario (not using worst case here), as that way the news will not be total shock! Anyway time for bed and we’ll deal with it all tommorow.

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